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Covid has had a dramatic global impact on our world and everyone in it, especially all the human souls that have been lost in this last year.  One of the other harsh realities that Covid has had is the difficulty it has created in marriages and relationships, which, prior to Covid, appeared to have been sound and healthy.

Being Covid restricted and limited to our home environments, many have found themselves in their marriages and significant relationships with fewer places to go and fewer distractions to occupy their time.  Couples have been forced to live almost 24/7 in the same space without any independent outside relief.  Even in the best of relationships, people need some down or alone time and distractions, plus occasions with other people they interact with other than their primary relationship or spouse. 

For many this dynamic made them aware that they could no longer ignore some of the harsh realities of their marriages and intimate relationships.  For others however, it actually created a dynamic that enabled their relationship to strengthen because they spent more quality time and chose to do inventive things together.

There is no doubt, that even for the best of marriages and couples, the immense load of stress, combined with close quarters, can make arguments more likely and irritations that would normally be ignored, amplified.  Some couples can work through and overcome obstacles and disruptions and eruptions in their relationship, while other couples simply cannot.  This is the simple truth about divorce and how divorce may come about.  It has been a lot harder during the pandemic, when things are so amplified and also the resources enabling to alleviate the stress are all but non-existent. 

As this article points out, Covid conditions have acted as an accelerant.  To make matters worse for those who need court intervention, the courts have been at times completely shut down and with very limited access for only matters that qualify as true emergencies. 

That is why being able to use alternatives, such as collaborative divorce, is essential.  In a collaborative divorce, the parties never have to step into a court room or court house, only their paperwork goes to the court house.

This article clearly outlines seven (7) reasons why couples are filing for divorce during covid and why covid has been the accelerator for some couples.

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Jeremy Brown, Fatherly

Lessons to be learned: not letting the pandemic put your marriage at risk.

During the pandemic we have definitely seen a rise in agitation within relationships.  Some couples have discovered that they were not meant to live 24/7 in the same household. Being forced to be together 24/7 in close quarters is stressful.  Add to the mix children who are required to stay home (either being home schooled or remote learning), all while parents are trying to work at home remotely can build pressure and stress, not to mention the emotional tool the pandemic is having on everyone.

Do not feel bad and start to assign blame.  Being together nonstop can become irritating for either spouse. The pandemic has destroyed normal routines for everyone and we all have to adjust and find a new balance and a new normal.  Encourage and embrace differences of opinion and try to keep an open mind. Instead of dividing a couple these difficult times could create avenues of common ground to make your relationship stronger.

So don't be part of the statistics of couples who break up. Instead embrace each other with open honesty, kindness, consideration, love and joy and find the brighter side of things together and make your relationship stronger for the long haul. 

Divorce is unfortunate under any circumstance and what people many times do not realize is that it has a significant negative impact on the physical and mental health not only on the two participants of the divorce but for their children and the entire family.  For some the stress of the divorce can actually temporarily alter a person.  You may have witnessed a friend, colleague or family member change during the enormous stress of a divorce.  It can be surprising and unsettling to see such a dynamic change in a person you know well.

The stress of a divorce can also significantly impact a person’s ability to think clearly and function normally.  When you understand such a drastic impact on a person you also need to recognize that this stress carries over to a person’s mental and physical health and wellbeing. Studies have shown that divorcees have trouble physically functioning and report more body pain and worse overall physical health during and immediately after a divorce.

However, the toxicity and stress of divorce does not have to overtake you and your family. There is a better way! Collaborative divorce is a more holistic and healthier approach to resolve all issues that must be addressed in the dissolution of a marriage. It saves everyone involved from the negative impact of a divorce.  Your family deserves Collaborative.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of David Sears, KAST
Selected photo courtesy of Paper City Magazine

This article is a lovely summary of the history of LGBTQ milestones in the United States, and gives a concise timeline of how LGBTQ rights have developed over time.  It also identifies and explains the LGBTQ as well as LGBTQIA acronyms and what they mean. 

The article does, however, fail to mention all the damage that the Trump Administration did and attempted to do to LGBTQ rights.  Fortunately the new administration is hard at work undoing and restoring the rights of the LGBTQ community.  Unfortunately there is still a lot of healing and enlightenment that needs to occur in our community and country to embrace all of our fellow citizens, regardless of their beliefs and/or identity.

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of CNN Newsource.

I don’t know about you, but since the COVID pandemic took over our lives, I have enjoyed and appreciated nature and being outdoors so much more.  Notwithstanding that it is technically winter, it doesn’t prevent us from bundling up and enjoying a lovely walk or hike through nature. 

This article highlights 12 incredible places, right in our own New York backyard, to enjoy the magnificence of nature and get some fresh air and feel part of the natural world again.  We are fortunate to have such a gorgeous state with so many public parks.  I remember as a child going to some of these places like Buttermilk Falls and being on a trail that had special rock formations that were called the lemon squeeze and the orange twist, because it had some challenges to navigate.

Whether by yourself, with your significant other or your children, plan a trip to take some down time and get out and enjoy some of these wonderful places.

Welcome back to the Collaborative Circle, and our first YouTube Video of 2021!

Gratefully the new administration is off to a great start:  President Biden is reversing much of the cruel, inhuman and discriminatory deregularization that affects LGBTQ individual Americans profoundly.  Trump's actions made it permissive to freely and broadly discriminate against individuals from the LGBTQ community.   

Biden’s executive order essentially calls on federal agencies to broadly apply last year’s landmark Bostock ruling, which expanded the definition of sex discrimination to include discrimination based on sexual orientation as well as gender identity. Notably, the executive order included the line, “Children should be able to learn without worrying about whether they will be denied access to the restroom, the locker room, or school sports,” and stated that Bostock should also apply to Title IX, the federal law that prohibits discrimination in federally funded schools.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Esther Wang, Jezebel.  Photo courtesy of Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

As I have mentioned before, in addition to the Supreme Court, Donald Trump appointed a tremendous number of Federal Court Judges, which most people have not taken note of.

Nearly 40% of the Judges he has appointed have a history of hostility towards the LGBTQ community.  This is truly significant since the Federal Courts are throughout the land and in each of the states and they are the avenue which cases will have to travel to reach the Supreme Court.  Many cases therefore could be cut short by an unfriendly decision in a lower Federal Court case.

Trump's lasting impact on the Federal Judiciary could roll back and reverse much of the progress made by the LGBTQ community over decades.  Unfortunately, he has significantly altered the makeup of the Federal Judiciary, from the Lower Courts, right up to the Supreme Court.  This was also made possible by Senate Republicans and they may also create an obstacle for the new administration. 

In total, over his four years as president, Trump appointed 3 Supreme Court Judges and 230 Lower Court Judges to lifetime positions, many of which are young, white and male Jurists, who have come to the bench with a perspective that LGBTQ people are “less than”.  This had a lot to do with Trump’s administration being able to get confirmation of appointees.  The fact is, Trump has placed about 30% of the active serving Federal Appeals Court Judges.  This is freighting. 

When you think of it in numbers, the Supreme Court has roughly 100 to 150 cases annually but the 13 Federal Appeal Courts around the country hear thousands of the most consequential cases every year that shape the laws and effect the rights of millions of Americans.  This is a dangerous outcome of the current administration that many did not look closely enough at.

This article is a very good read with respect to exactly how the judiciary looks going forward and the damage that Trump may have caused.

This is a lovely collection that creates a photographic history of men in love.  It is not only touching but the bravery of these men is amazing.  Notwithstanding the times in which they lived, where it was not only illegal to be gay but literarily could cost you your life simply by expressing your love and affection for your same sex partner.  I particularly love the photo of the two young men holding the sign “not married yet but willing to be” which is more than a century before marriage became legalized in the United States.  Progress has been slow and we are still in danger of discrimination and even violence.  I remember in my own internship with Lambda Legal Defense fighting Sodomy laws that were still on the books in Texas.  It's great that these pictures were found and have now been preserved in Loving: A Photographic History of Men in Love, 1850s-1950s.