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Why Staying Out of Court Matters So Much for LGBTQ Couples by Concetta G. Spirio

Posted On: June 02, 2025

Have you ever wondered why it’s especially important for LGBTQ couples to avoid the courtroom when navigating a divorce or separation?

For many of us in the LGBTQ community, the answer is deeply personal. The court system—while improved in some ways—still carries the weight of historical bias and structural limitations. That is why more divorcing LGBTQ couples are turning to the Collaborative Divorce Process as a better, more respectful path forward. It offers something courts often cannot: dignity, privacy, and the space to tell your full story.

Let’s talk about why that matters.

A Legal System That Wasn’t Built for Us

Even though marriage equality has granted critical rights for our community, it didn’t erase the struggles LGBTQ couples faced for decades. If you’re like me, and have been in a long-term relationship, long before we were legally allowed to marry, you know what I mean. We built lives, bought homes, raised children, planned our financial future and retirement, together. However, because those years weren’t always backed by legal documents, they often don’t “count” in a court of law.

That’s one of the biggest shortcomings of the traditional legal system. It looks at what’s on paper—marriage certificates, adoption documents—not what’s in your heart or in the home you built over time. And that’s exactly where the Collaborative Divorce Process makes such a big difference.

Why Collaborative Divorce Works for LGBTQ Couples

1. It’s More Respectful and Inclusive

The Collaborative Divorce Process is all about partnership—not battle. It brings both people to the table to work together with a team of trained professionals who understand the emotional and legal layers involved. For LGBTQ couples, this means your identity, history, and values are honored, not erased.

2. It Lets You Acknowledge Your Whole Relationship

The courts often ignore the years you were together before legal marriage was an option. The Collaborative Divorce Process doesn’t. You and your partner can create agreements that reflect your actual history—not just the part the law chooses to recognize.

3. Privacy Matters—And You Get It

Court proceedings are public. The Collaborative Divorce Process happens privately and confidentially, in a space where you can be open without fear of judgment, discrimination, or having your personal life exposed. That confidentiality is powerful, especially in a world where many LGBTQ folks still face bias and downright discrimination.

4. It Allows for Fairer Financial and Parenting Decisions

We all know the system hasn’t always treated LGBTQ families equally. From losing out on health benefits to being excluded from spousal Social Security, to losing custody of our children because of our “lifestyle,” many of us faced deeply personal and financial hurdles that straight, married couples never had to think about. The Collaborative Divorce Process allows you to factor in those inequities—and to craft parenting plans that reflect your reality, not outdated laws.

5. It Encourages Healing Instead of Hurt

Let’s be honest—divorce is hard. But The Collaborative Divorce Process focuses on communication, empathy, and healing. For LGBTQ individuals who’ve already dealt with discrimination and trauma, this respectful process can mean the difference between feeling shattered and feeling seen.

How Courts Still Fall Short for LGBTQ Families

Even with marriage equality, many LGBTQ couples are still left out in the cold when it comes to legal protections—especially those who were together long before they could legally marry. Here’s where the courts continue to struggle:

  • No Recognition for Pre-Marriage Relationships: You might have been with your partner for 15 years, but if you married only five years ago, the court likely only recognizes those five years.

  • Unjust Asset Division: Everything you built together before marriage? It may not be considered when dividing property or calculating support.

  • Alimony Gaps: The court may deny spousal support (alimony) because the “legal” marriage was short—even if one partner gave up career opportunities or financial independence for the relationship years before marriage was possible.

  • Parenting Challenges: Many LGBTQ parents had to fight for legal recognition as parents. And if the non-biological parent never legally adopted the child, courts may still overlook their role—even if they were an equal parent from day one.

  • Emotional Harm: Being told your relationship doesn’t count is devastating. Courts can leave LGBTQ individuals feeling invalidated, erased, and hurt all over again.

Choosing a Better Way Forward

The Collaborative Divorce Process gives LGBTQ couples the chance to write their own story—one that’s fair, compassionate, and reflective of who they really are. It’s not just about avoiding court; it’s about reclaiming our stories, our dignity, and our power.

Our voices and our relationships have always counted. Now it is time our separation process does too.

Article courtesy of Concetta G. Spirio for Long Island Collaborative Divorce Professionals
Photo courtesy of Long Island Collaborative Divorce Professionals

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation
For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #EstatePlanning #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT #LICDP

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Concetta G. Spirio Addressing The Fears & Unique Challenges Facing The LGBTQI Community And Their Families

Posted On: May 27, 2025
This video captures a speech and workshop I delivered two years ago for the New York State Council on Divorce Mediation. In it, I addressed the fears and unique challenges facing the LGBTQI community and their families, and spoke directly to fellow mediators about the critical importance of recognizing and responding to these concerns. I also offered practical strategies for creating safer, more inclusive mediation spaces.

Today, this message is more urgent than ever. In light of ongoing efforts to roll back our rights, it’s imperative that we, as professionals, remain vigilant, informed, and proactive in supporting LGBTQI individuals and families navigating separation, divorce, and co-parenting.

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #EstatePlanning #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBTQI

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Shock Link Found Between Marriage And Risk of Developing Dementia

Posted On: May 12, 2025

Finding a special soulmate and tying the knot is, of course, cause for celebration, but new research highlights a surprising potential downside of getting married: it may significantly increase your risk of dementia.

What makes the findings unexpected is that many previous studies have shown a variety of health benefits to getting married – benefits that include lower heart disease risk and living to an older age.

The team behind the latest study, led by researchers from the Florida State University College of Medicine, suggests further investigations will be needed into the reasons why single people may be less likely to get dementia – or perhaps are less likely to have it diagnosed.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of David Nield, sciencealert(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Google's ImageFX

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #EstatePlanning #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT

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Thank You To The "Smile More In Life Everyday Gala"

Posted On: May 12, 2025
I had the privilege of attending the Smile More In Live Everyday Gala at the stunning Oheka Castle!

It was an amazing night celebrating my dear friend and colleague Chanell Smiley.

Chanell is a true force—breaking barriers and leading the charge in mental health awareness and treatment through her nonprofit, Smile More in Life Everyday, a 501(c)(3) dedicated to ending the stigma around mental health.

She’s also the powerhouse behind Keep Smiling Therapy, and the ladies of Long Island Collaborative Divorce Professionals were so proud to support her mission.

All of these women have become my dear friends and family!

Chanell, thank you for your passion, vision, and heart!  Keep winning and keep shining!


Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #EstatePlanning #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBTQI #SmileMoreInLifeEveryday #KeepSmilingTherapy

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REMINDER That TOMORROW Wednesday, May 7, 2025 I Will Be Speaking At The Family & Divorce Mediation Council of Greater New York!

Posted On: May 06, 2025

REMINDER that TOMORROW I will be speaking at the Family & Divorce Mediation Council of Greater New York!

THE RIGHTS WE FOUGHT FOR - AND HOW MEDIATORS CAN HELP LGBTQ FAMILIES KEEP THEM

Wednesday, May 7, 2025
ONLINE VIA ZOOM
12:00PM-1:30PM (Eastern Standard Time)

As laws around LGBTQ rights grow more uncertain, mediators play a vital role in helping families stay protected.

This session covers the essential legal tools LGBTQ clients need—from domestic partnerships and parentage proceedings to estate planning, retirement, and real estate. You'll walk away with a practical checklist and the clarity to mediate confidently, no matter the legal future.

Presented by:
Teresa Calabrese
Concetta G. Spirio

Moderated by:
Corey M. Shapiro

Concetta G. Spirio is a seasoned attorney, mediator, and collaborative divorce professional with over 39 years of experience. As a proud member of the LGBTQI+ community, she brings both legal depth and personal insight to her work—advocating for clients whose lives and families often fall outside the bounds of traditional legal systems.Concetta’s practice focuses on protecting relationships, rights, and resources—through divorce and family law, second-parent adoptions, domestic partnership agreements, estate planning, and real estate. She is a committed advocate for inclusive, accessible, and non-adversarial solutions that promote dignity, clarity, and long-term stability.

Teresa Calabrese is a mediator and collaborative lawyer serving the NYC Queer community.  Through mediation and collaborative practice, Teresa helps individuals, couples and families resolve conflict, problem-solve and make decisions together. She focuses on issues pertaining to: relationship formation, including co-habitation agreements and pre-marital agreements; building families, including donor sperm agreements and co-parenting agreements; and dissolving relationships and marriages. Teresa also handles second parent adoption and judgment of parentage proceedings and provides basic estate planning services. Teresa has presented programs for the New York State Council on Divorce Mediation, the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals, the Family and Divorce Mediation Council of Greater New York, and CUNY School of Law. Teresa has also participated in mediation and legal informational presentations for the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Community Services Center.

CEs are always FREE for FDMC Members!  Fee for Non-Members: $40.00
*Your first CE is free for non-members! If this is your first FDMC CE and you would like to register as a guest, email members@fdmcgny.org to register.

CLICK THIS LINK TO REGISTER NOW!

The FMDC Continuing Education program is a non-credit professional development program.  We do not offer CE or CLE credits unless explicitly indicated on the event listing.
FDMC programs are designed to provide peer support and education for our members and guests and are not intended to provide legal, financial, or tax advice.

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Concetta G. Spirio To Speak At The Family & Divorce Mediation Council of Greater New York on Wednesday, May 7, 2025

Posted On: April 28, 2025

I'm proud to have been asked to speak at the Family & Divorce Mediation Council of Greater New York!

THE RIGHTS WE FOUGHT FOR - AND HOW MEDIATORS CAN HELP LGBTQ FAMILIES KEEP THEM

Wednesday, May 7, 2025
ONLINE VIA ZOOM
12:00PM-1:30PM (Eastern Standard Time)

As laws around LGBTQ rights grow more uncertain, mediators play a vital role in helping families stay protected.

This session covers the essential legal tools LGBTQ clients need—from domestic partnerships and parentage proceedings to estate planning, retirement, and real estate. You'll walk away with a practical checklist and the clarity to mediate confidently, no matter the legal future.

Presented by:
Teresa Calabrese
Concetta G. Spirio

Moderated by:
Corey M. Shapiro

Concetta G. Spirio is a seasoned attorney, mediator, and collaborative divorce professional with over 39 years of experience. As a proud member of the LGBTQI+ community, she brings both legal depth and personal insight to her work—advocating for clients whose lives and families often fall outside the bounds of traditional legal systems.Concetta’s practice focuses on protecting relationships, rights, and resources—through divorce and family law, second-parent adoptions, domestic partnership agreements, estate planning, and real estate. She is a committed advocate for inclusive, accessible, and non-adversarial solutions that promote dignity, clarity, and long-term stability.

Teresa Calabrese is a mediator and collaborative lawyer serving the NYC Queer community.  Through mediation and collaborative practice, Teresa helps individuals, couples and families resolve conflict, problem-solve and make decisions together. She focuses on issues pertaining to: relationship formation, including co-habitation agreements and pre-marital agreements; building families, including donor sperm agreements and co-parenting agreements; and dissolving relationships and marriages. Teresa also handles second parent adoption and judgment of parentage proceedings and provides basic estate planning services. Teresa has presented programs for the New York State Council on Divorce Mediation, the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals, the Family and Divorce Mediation Council of Greater New York, and CUNY School of Law. Teresa has also participated in mediation and legal informational presentations for the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Community Services Center.

CEs are always FREE for FDMC Members!  Fee for Non-Members: $40.00
*Your first CE is free for non-members! If this is your first FDMC CE and you would like to register as a guest, email members@fdmcgny.org to register.

CLICK THIS LINK TO REGISTER NOW!

The FMDC Continuing Education program is a non-credit professional development program.  We do not offer CE or CLE credits unless explicitly indicated on the event listing.
FDMC programs are designed to provide peer support and education for our members and guests and are not intended to provide legal, financial, or tax advice.

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2025 New York State Council on Divorce Mediation Annual Conference: April 24-26, 2025 @ Gideon Putnam Hotel, Saratoga Springs, NY

Posted On: April 24, 2025

2025 New York State Council on Divorce Mediation Annual Conference Presents:

Mediation Crucible

The Art of Process Excellence In Support Of Families

April 24-26, 2025 @ Gideon Putnam Hotel, Saratoga Springs, NY

‹

Mending the Pieces: Tools for Supporting Families as They Redefine Themselves

Keynote Speaker: Christina McGhee
Moderators: Concetta G. Spirio, Esq. and Donna LaScala, CDFA®
Thursday, April 24, 2025 ~ 11:30 am Lunch; 12:30 to 5 pm Masterclass
(5 CLEs and CEs Pending) 

Divorce doesn’t end a family—it changes it. How it changes depends on the support and guidance parents receive during these critical moments. As a first responder to divorce, you’re in a unique position to do more than help parents “get through it”—you can guide them toward redefining their family in a way that strengthens connection and helps their children feel grounded in a time of uncertainty.

This hands-on, interactive workshop will equip you with the tools to navigate the emotional complexities of divorce. You’ll learn how grief, stress, and overwhelm influence co-parenting dynamics and shape decision-making. Through practical strategies, real-world resources, and engaging exercises, you’ll gain actionable skills to help parents reduce conflict, make skillful choices, and stay focused on what truly matters—their children’s well-being.

Key takeaways:

Examine the complex emotional impact of divorce on families
● Explore how grief, stress, and loss shape co-parenting behaviors, decision-making, and parent-child relationships.

Learn how to implement new tools that help co-parents redefine their roles
● Discover innovative techniques you can use to guide parents from conflict to collaboration, fostering healthier co-parenting dynamics and developing a shared focus on children’s needs.

Enhance your ability to facilitate difficult conversations with co-parents while leveraging educational support skills
● Develop skills that to help parents navigate emotionally charged discussions, address differences, and create solutions while gaining critical skills.

Gain practical, ready-to-use resources for every experience level
● Receive materials designed to enhance your work, empower co-parents, and safeguard children’s emotional well-being, offering value for both new and seasoned practitioners.

PLENARY:  Our Ecosystem: How Courts and Divorce Mediators Can Work Together to Help Families in Transition

Speakers: Daniel Kos, Statewide ADR Coordinator and Bridget O’Connell, Esq. MSW, Court Attorney-Referee and Regional ADR Coordinator for Districts 5, 6, 7, 8 
Moderator: Lara Traum, Esq.
Friday, April 25, 2025 ~ 8:15 am to 9:45 am
(1.5 CLEs and CEs Pending) 

How to Market and Build Your Practice

Speakers: Kevin Clark, Esq., and Nicolas Crocitto, Co-chairs of Public Awareness Committee,
Liz Vaz, Esq., and Alex Clark
Moderator: Renee O. LaPoint, M.S.
Friday, April 25, 2025 ~ 10:15 am to 11:45 am 
(1.5 CLEs and CEs Pending)

Fair Shares & Tax Flares:  Navigating Equitable Distribution, Tax Impacts and Compensation in Divorce

Speakers: Steve Kaplan, CPA/ABV; Donna LaScala, CDFA®; and Jay Mota, CFP®, CDFA®, WMCP®, ChFC®, CQS®, MAFF®
Moderator: Mark Josephson, Esq., CPA, CFP, CFE, CGMA
Friday, April 25, 2025 ~ 10:15 am to 11:45 am
(1.5 CLEs and CEs Pending)

Improving Outcomes for Families with Structured Co-Parenting Communication

Speaker: Lindsay Morris, Our Family Wizard, Platinum Sponsor
Moderator: 
Friday, April 25, 2025 ~ 10:15 am to 11:15 am 
(1 CEs Pending)

Annual Meeting

Friday, April 25, 2025 ~ 12 pm to 1:30 pm
President's Report, Treasurer's Report, Election Results, Member Town Hall 

Business Valuation: Dispelling Common Myths

Speakers: Rosalia Labate CPA/CDFA/CVA/MAFF and Sheryl-Anne Sastow, Esq.
Moderator: Donna LaScala, CDFA®
Friday, April 25, 2025 ~ 1:30 pm to 3 pm
(1.5 CLEs and CEs Pending)

Protecting Your Practice & Reputation from Cyber Threats

Speaker: Mike Mooney, Senior Vice President of USI Affinity
Moderator: Kristen G. Lyndaker, Esq. 
Friday, April 25, 2025 ~ 1:30 pm to 3 pm
(1.5 CLEs, CEs Pending) 

Update on the Law

Speakers: Helene Bernstein, Esq., Hon. Celeste Bailey, Esq., and Katie Martin, Esq.
Moderator: Connie Fraser
Friday, April 25, 2025 ~ 3:15 PM to 5:15 pm
(2 CLEs and CEs Pending)

Navigating the Complex Landscape of Surrogacy:  What Mediators Need to Know

Speakers: Rebecca L. Mendel, Esq. and Denise E. Seidelman, Esq.
Moderator: Carmen M. Rodriguez, Esq.
Saturday, April 26, 2025 ~ 8:30 am to 10 am 
(1.5 CLEs and CEs Pending)

Closing Real Estate Loopholes in Mediation

Speakers: Alla Roytberg, Esq., and Stacy Francis, CFP®, CDFA®, CES™
Moderator: Jill Sanders-DeMott, Esq.
Saturday, April 26, 2025 ~ 8:30 am to 10 am
(1.5 CLEs and CEs Pending)

Navigating Mental Health and Family Dynamics During Mediation

Speakers: Jihee Cho, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist, and Talaiya Safdar, Esq.
Moderator: Rachel Ji-Young Yoo, Esq.
Saturday, April 26, 2025 ~ 8:30 am to 10 am
(1.5 CLEs and CEs Pending)

The Spousal Maintenance Guidelines:  10 Years After

Speakers: Dan Burns, Esq.
Moderator: Ada L. Hasloecher
Saturday, April 26, 2025 ~ 10:30 am to 12 pm
(1.5 CLEs and CEs Pending)

Addressing Addiction in Mediation:  Balancing Compassion and Safety 

Speakers: Micki McWade, LMSW, and Kenneth J. Novenstern, Esq.
Moderator: Steven M. Kaplan, CPA/ABV, MBA
Saturday, April 26, 2025 ~ 10:30 am to 12 pm
(1.5 CLEs and CEs Pending) 

You Asked For It!  Casual Lunch to Reconnect, Recap & Reinvigorate!

Saturday, April 26, 2025 ~ 12 pm to 1 pm  (Or hang out longer if you like!)



REGISTER TODAY!

RATES & HOTEL INFO


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World-Renowned Psychologist Reveals 6 Proven Secrets For A Marriage That Lasts

Posted On: April 14, 2025

Your relationship problems cannot be solved by reading a book, attending a weekend workshop, or enrolling in couples therapy. With that said, learning what distinguishes happy couples from unhappy ones can change the course of how you and your partner love each other.

Here is what is actually needed to make a marriage last a lifetime...

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Gottman Institute, yourtango(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #EstatePlanning #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT

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