The Latest News February 2020


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9 Unexpected Things That Show a Marriage Won’t Last Long

Posted On: February 26, 2020

Most people despite the harsh realties are looking for the fairytale romantic relationship where you fall in love at first sight or that you find your soulmate and are looking for a relationship that lasts a lifetime.  The harsh reality is that is the rare exception rather than the rule. 

It has long been a statistic that more than half of marriages end in divorce and in some areas those statistics are higher.  In Europe it has been shown that in the last 50 years people have divorced 2 ½ times more often and get married 2 times less often.

Whether you are married legally or in a committed long term relationship, if dissolution of the relationship is a reality, using the Collaborative process for either a divorce or the dissolution of a significant relationship is vital and a much more holistic approach, no matter what your geographical location is.  Further the courts will not get involved with the dissolution of a romantic partnership that is not a legal marriage.  

There is scientific data and research that has been done on foreseeing whether divorce is a possibility in a relationship  and nine most distinctive factors. 

This first factor I find is a humorous one.  They basically did a study of people’s photographs from college and were able to determine by the amount of the impact of their smile or gloom of their photo, the rate of divorce for those people.  The study showed that people who look gloomy in their photos were divorced five times more often than those who smiled. 

This also held true for people with respect to the emotional tone of their voice and the commitment to what they are saying.  So, it’s not only what you say but how you say it 😊  

This article had some interesting points on what to look for in your relationship and factors that can contribute to an early termination.

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of anton7788, Chowhound.


12 Divorce Tips To Make Your Split Waaaayyy Less Stressful

Posted On: February 18, 2020

Many people don't realize until they are going through it, the extreme stress that the divorce process creates for the parties.  Other than the death of a child or spouse, getting divorced can be one of the most horrific times of a person's life.  This stress is guaranteed to last for several months and for some, years, depending on whether the parties go through a litigated and highly contested divorce or choose an alternative method with a more holistic approach, such as Mediation and Collaborative Divorce.  Having to appear in the Courthouse; going into a Courtroom; and being addressed by a Judge who now has control over your life and your children is extremely scary and stressful for most people. This is why using Collaborative or Mediation is extremely helpful in alleviating much of the stress caused by the Court System.  In both Collaborative Divorce and Mediation the parties never have to personally go to Court; only their paperwork goes to the Courthouse to get processed.  That is a big difference and it alleviates a tremendous amount of stress for the parties.

Even under the best of circumstances, the dissolution of a marriage or a significant life partner relationship has inherit stress and has highly charged emotional aspects.  Even when you are choosing a holistic approach, stress is involved.  That is why using the Collaborative method is so beneficial.  One of the members of the professional team is a mental health specialist who acts as a family specialist or divorce coach, helping guide the couple and navigating through difficult communication. 

This article highlights different tips that you can take on how to help yourself through the stress.  One being getting a therapist or a divorce coach that you can use as a sounding board and help you navigate some of the difficult issues.  Getting organized, making a plan, doing your homework and finding out about the different processes available to you, other than costly litigation, well before you choose to take those first steps towards getting divorced.  Most people feel much better when they get organized and have a plan of action.  Just taking small baby steps of getting information can help you feel more grounded and help you organize and choose a better path going forward. 

I feel taking positive action towards moving forward in a positive way are some of the biggest steps that you can take to help alleviate stress and help support yourself through an extremely difficult time.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Karen Covy of Your Tango Blog; Photo courtesy of UNSPLASH/TRENT SZMOLNIK.


'Marriage Story Was Stunningly On-Point': What Divorce Lawyers Want You To Know

Posted On: February 12, 2020

This article talks about the film Marriage Story, which has some very on point dramatizations of what can happen in real life.  Divorce is hard enough, but when a couple thinks that this can be very simple and easy and should not cost us anything to get divorced, they are many times proven drastically wrong.  Even when a couple starts out with the premise that they feel there is not a lot to fight over, if they get involved in a litigated divorce, things become positional very early on and many times the couple are oceans away from where they originally started…thinking that they could do this simply, either by a difference of opinion or a perceived breach of trust, or a multitude of many other reasons.  This is why Mediation and the Collaborative process is so vital and important.  These processes are based on and revolve around the clients and their communications and trying to keep things on a settlement track from beginning to end. 

The other fallacies that most people don’t realize is that no matter what you do or which path you take, divorce does not come for free.  There are legal implications that are imposed by the Courts and paperwork that is required as well as filing fees.  This paperwork, although the Court has a do it yourself section, is very difficult for a lay person to actually accomplish.  Therefore, you need the assistance of a professional, to not only navigate the process of divorce, but to get the paper work done correctly.  One thing is for sure, using an alternative method like Collaborative Divorce or Mediation is much more cost effective than litigation and as I like to say, in these methods the parties never go to Court, only their paperwork does.

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Elle Hunt, The Guardian; & Netflix/Guardian Design Team


15 Men Reveal the Moment They Knew They Wanted a Divorce

Posted On: February 05, 2020

Relationships, especially marriages, are hard work and difficult.  Even the happiest of couples may have serious bumps along the way.  Although there are studies that the divorce rate has dropped in recent years, that also can be attributed to the fact that some people have chosen not to get married.  However, that doesn't change the fact that when you are facing a dissolution of a relationship, it may not be always easy to extract oneself.  People split for a multitude of reasons.  However, sometimes at the core are some basic simple things like kindness, honesty, integrity and good communication.  This article explores 15 men who revealed different reasons why they chose to get divorced, which include a lack of a sex life, not willing to engage in therapy, deception by a partner though cheating and spying on them or looking through their phone, having grown apart and many others.  Whatever the reason may be, if therapy and reconciliation are not possible, then it's best to go about getting divorced through an amicable resolution process like Collaborative Divorce, where the parties are utilizing professionals who are dedicated to a settlement process and not litigation.

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Bethany Heitman, & SEB_RA Getty Images