The Latest News Divorce

There are a few unexpected realities of getting divorced it wouldn't hurt to know as you sever your former "forever" relationship.

• It will affect your child
• Don't use friends for legal advice
• Make your divorce agreement as detailed as possible
• A new partner will be a new adjustment
• A new partner may change your ex
• It takes time to adjust to all the changed
• Be aware of imputed income
• Separation should be separation - period
• It's more common to do 50/50 custody these days
• Spending time together might be awful

No one can truly prepare you for divorce, but before you decide to end your marriage, talk to divorced people and educate yourself. That way, if you do take this road, you will be prepared as best as possible, for better or for worse.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of popsugar, yourtango(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #EstatePlanning #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT

When you plan to spend the rest of your life with someone, or commit to a long term relationship where you are living under the same roof, you have to recognize it is not going to always be rosy and cheerful.  Conflict is inevitable and is going to happen.  How you handle it and how you go about a resolution is what will determine how your relationship fares.  Long term relationships with two people are complicated.  Adding in kids and financial responsibilities can cause conflicts to multiply exponentially. 

If you actually analyze marital disagreements or spats, they tend to follow a negative trend.  Someone is negative to the other person, the other person becomes defensive and things escalate in a negative manner.  This article explores an interesting way to break that cycle.  They have termed it a “Marriage Hack”.  In essence the parties embrace an idea of a third party.  Although figuratively, the exercise involves once you find yourself in a positional argument, for each to take a step back, take a few minutes and write about the argument and disagreement, not from your own point of view or your partner’s point of view, but from a birds eye view of a neutral third party observing your argument. 

The study conducted over a few years at Northwestern University, shows that utilizing this exercise, many times, brings a clear perspective on what the couple is arguing about and what has triggered the argument.  That opens the door to finding a solution.  It was also interesting that they found that the couples that utilize this technique, not necessarily had less conflict, but that the conflicts did not escalate as far and caused less stress and frustration between the couple.  There is nothing more damaging to a relationship when an argument goes too far in the wrong direction.

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Jeremy Brown, Fatherly

Many are experiencing the stress of isolation and uncomfortable 24/7 close confinement with their spouse. For some this is not a problem, but for others it has created strain and rifts within relationships.  For those having difficulty or facing divorce and separation, especially in these times when the courts are not available (except in actual emergencies), there is an alternative that will enable a family to move forward now while saving tremendous time, money and emotional trauma.

People usually think that the major issues for a marriage are infidelity and financial problems, which are often the big ticket items that truly cause the demise of a marriage.  These can obviously obliterate or fatally fracture the foundation of any relationship.  Again, good communication is the cornerstone to maintaining a good foundation and to heal wounds. 

There are also many other small seemingly minor behaviors that can damage a relationship and start the seeds of destruction...it really just takes a little time and effort to pay attention. 

The Gottman Institute has identified what they call the four horseman of the apocalypse and identifies four behaviors that they feel can, with 90% certainty, destroy a marriage.  They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.  The video in the article is a good quick tutorial on examples of those behaviors as well as suggestions for solutions.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Fatherly, yourtango(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT

One of the earlier questions a client usually asks during a consultation for divorce is what are the monetary costs (legal fees) of obtaining a divorce.  The reality is, in New York, the costs for a divorce are slightly higher than the national average.  However, that takes into account that the divorce rate is higher in New York than in other places in the country, as well as the fact that the cost of living and earnings of people in New York are also higher. 

Unfortunately, the process between court fees and the documentation required by the courts in order to grant a divorce cannot be avoided.  Therefore, the actual costs of your divorce will vary, depending on the complexity of your matter as well as which method or process you utilize.  Obviously a highly contested divorce, i.e. with two attorneys fighting every issue out through the court system can become astronomically expensive.  Collaborative divorce and mediation are less expensive and are a much more holistic approach. 

However, when all is said and done, in my opinion and experience, Mediation and the Collaborative process can run about the same.  Again, each case is different and it depends largely upon the complexity of your circumstances i.e. whether there are children, retirement assets, marital assets and debt, etc.

It's important to have the right professional to help you navigate any process.  That is why a collaborative divorce, using collaboratively trained professionals, in my opinion, is the best and most holistic approach and when compared with the alternatives is the most cost effective.

If you have any questions please contact me @ Spiriolaw.com or one of the amazing Collaborative Divorce Professionals @ LICDP.com

Royalty-free photo courtesy of UnSplash

So, have you heard of “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”?  Well, a renowned psychologist, after studying couples over fourteen years, was able to identify behaviors that can predict when a marriage would end with astounding precision. He has dubbed the four behaviors as “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”.

As this article goes into more detail, the four behaviors are Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness and Stonewalling. It is a very interesting read. My question to you is, if you see these signs, how would you react and what would/could you do to rectify and save the marriage?

Remember the Collaborative process has professionals to help with any rising conflicts.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Rebecca Strong, askmen(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT

This article talks about a “gray divorce”.  A “gray divorce” refers to divorces that occur later in life and involve spouses who are 50 years or older. 

Divorce is difficult at any age, but a gray divorce can have its own specific challenges.  Many times the plans for retirement and finances to sustain retirement are part of a complex long term plan, involving both people and their individual assets.  Looking to separate and divide retirement assets may not afford each person of the couple to live as they intended in retirement.  This obviously creates its own unique set of challenges as well as emotions. 

Other than losing a spouse or a child, a divorce sometimes is the most traumatic and painful experience one can have in life.  The emotions that are typically involved can be exacerbated when dealing with an older individual, whom many times have been married for more than half of their life.

There is also a great misconception on how a “gray divorce” affects adult children.  Many times our perception is that adult children are in a better position to handle divorce.  Although that may be the case, many times and more often than not, adult children have as much trauma in navigating their parents divorce as do young children. 

This article examines five common reasons why gray divorce happens to older couples.  As in any divorce, you need the proper professionals to help you navigate such a difficult process.  This is why collaborative divorce and the professionals of the Long Island Collaborative Divorce Professionals are best suited and trained to help couples through this difficult time and help find creative solutions.  No matter what age, put yourselves in the best hands to navigate your divorce with integrity and dignity.  We are here to answer any questions you may have.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Babita Spinelli of YourTango.com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of UnSplash

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 34 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT #GrayDivorce

Many people don't realize until they are going through it, the extreme stress that the divorce process creates for the parties.  Other than the death of a child or spouse, getting divorced can be one of the most horrific times of a person's life.  This stress is guaranteed to last for several months and for some, years, depending on whether the parties go through a litigated and highly contested divorce or choose an alternative method with a more holistic approach, such as Mediation and Collaborative Divorce.  Having to appear in the Courthouse; going into a Courtroom; and being addressed by a Judge who now has control over your life and your children is extremely scary and stressful for most people. This is why using Collaborative or Mediation is extremely helpful in alleviating much of the stress caused by the Court System.  In both Collaborative Divorce and Mediation the parties never have to personally go to Court; only their paperwork goes to the Courthouse to get processed.  That is a big difference and it alleviates a tremendous amount of stress for the parties.

Even under the best of circumstances, the dissolution of a marriage or a significant life partner relationship has inherit stress and has highly charged emotional aspects.  Even when you are choosing a holistic approach, stress is involved.  That is why using the Collaborative method is so beneficial.  One of the members of the professional team is a mental health specialist who acts as a family specialist or divorce coach, helping guide the couple and navigating through difficult communication. 

This article highlights different tips that you can take on how to help yourself through the stress.  One being getting a therapist or a divorce coach that you can use as a sounding board and help you navigate some of the difficult issues.  Getting organized, making a plan, doing your homework and finding out about the different processes available to you, other than costly litigation, well before you choose to take those first steps towards getting divorced.  Most people feel much better when they get organized and have a plan of action.  Just taking small baby steps of getting information can help you feel more grounded and help you organize and choose a better path going forward. 

I feel taking positive action towards moving forward in a positive way are some of the biggest steps that you can take to help alleviate stress and help support yourself through an extremely difficult time.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Karen Covy of Your Tango Blog; Photo courtesy of UNSPLASH/TRENT SZMOLNIK.