The Latest News Divorce

This article is very much on point both Nassau and Suffolk counties here on Long Island have seen a rise in domestic violence reports.  The coronavirus has many victims.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Scottie Andrew, CNN; Photo Courtesy of Shutterstock

In any marriage ― even the strongest, happiest ones ― problems and frustrations will inevitably arise. And while it’s not worth broaching every single little grievance that grinds your gears (e.g., Your partner forgot to wring out the sponge again? Annoying but you’ll live), there are certain problems that really shouldn’t be ignored. 

Some issues, like abusive behavior or a major breach of trust, are generally regarded as obvious red flags. But other issues that may appear harmless in comparison could actually be cause for concern.

Marriage therapists reveal some of the more subtle but potentially serious relationship red flags that you shouldn’t write off. 

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Kelsey Borresen, HuffPost Writer, buzzfeed(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #EstatePlanning #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT

Divorce is never an easy decision. But, once you have decided to move forward, you next must decide the best method of settlement for you and your spouse.

There are three options to consider: litigation, collaborative divorce or mediation. If you have already done your research and decided that the collaborative divorce process is the best way for you and your spouse to negotiate your divorce or separation, you must next encourage your spouse to engage in the collaborative process.

Let’s review each option to determine why Collaborative divorce would be the most beneficial.

Litigation

In contrast to the collaborative model, litigation is an adversarial process, designed to have winners and losers at the conclusion. Both parties are represented by an attorney who will advocate their client’s position with the potential threat of a trial. Litigation is the most expensive option, will take the longest to resolve and is the most emotionally draining on both parties. In addition, there are no guarantees at the end of the day what the judge will decide.

Collaborative Divorce Process

The collaborative process still has each party represented by an attorney; however, the key difference is that the attorneys are committed to obtaining a fair settlement for both of you to avoid a trial. Underpinning this commitment, the attorneys sign an agreement that they will not represent you in court if a settlement is not achieved. To assist you and the attorneys, and if your particular situation so requires, neutral unbiased financial experts and/or family support specialists trained in the collaborative process, will be retained to help navigate financial and family issues. The collaborative process will generally be less expensive, quicker and will result in an agreement tailored to your needs through the assistance of your collaborative team.

Mediation

In mediation, the parties negotiate with each other with the guidance of a neutral mediator. Mediation is the least expensive option and is a good choice if each spouse is comfortable advocating for themselves. If the mediators are also lawyers, they will write the agreement and prepare and file your divorce papers. Mediation does not require the parties to go to court.

If you’ve chosen the collaborative process, it’s likely that you want the assistance of an attorney and neutral financial or family experts to avoid the adversarial nature of litigation. To help get your spouse on board, it’s important to stress how the collaborative process would benefit each of you. You might do this by following these suggestions:

1. Be prepared to highlight how the collaborative model works and provide your spouse with helpful websites such as www.licdp.com and www.collaborativepractice.com ;

2. Provide your spouse with articles explaining the process and benefits of Collaborative;

3. Speak with your spouse at a less stressful time of day when there is a better chance of having a fruitful discussion;

4. Send a text or email if you and your spouse have difficulty communicating face to face;

5. Ask a family member whom your spouse trusts to discuss the collaborative option with them;

6. Don’t force the issue. Give your spouse the time to consider this option;

7. Speak with a collaborative attorney that you wish to hire. They can reach out to your spouse to explain the collaborative process and answer any questions your spouse may have, or alternatively, provide them with the aforementioned websites so that your spouse can consult with their own collaborative attorney.

To obtain more information and a list of collaboratively trained lawyers, financial experts and family support specialists, please visit www.licdp.com. Each member will be happy to answer any additional questions or concerns you may have.

This article really drives home one of the key elements to a good relationship:  respect for one another.  No matter how positive and healthy your relationship is, there will always be moments when you have an argument and are irritable and may say something that you regret.  However, you never want to say something that will do damage to the relationship and becomes an irretrievable regret.  I like the way this article puts it.  “There is a difference between putting your foot in your mouth and pulling the pin on a hand grenade that can completely blow up your relationship.”

This is so very true.  Most people as they grow in their relationship learn what lines are to be drawn and what lines should not be crossed.  If you guide yourself with having true respect for your partner, the regrets should be minimal.  It is so important not to disrespect one another or undermine one another, especially in the heat of the moment or in the company of others.  There is nothing more damaging than disrespecting your spouse or partner in public.  Disparaging remarks or looking to set blame are key items that can undermine any relationship. 

Give this article a read, there are a lot of good points.

Selected excerpt(s) courtesy of Jeremy Brown, Fatherly.  Photo courtesy of Pinterest.

At the beginning of any relationship, one can easily be blinded by the excitement of the new relationship and the infatuation that often occurs.  However, it is important to pay attention to any yellow or red flags that get raised by the behavior of this new partner.  Many times people are on their best behavior, but you should definitely look at a partner who speaks negatively or posts negative comments about an ex or others in their life.  If the people who know you well in your life do not approve or like this person, pay attention, they may see something you do not.  It is important to notice toxic behavior that becomes a threat to any relationship...like whether this person argues with personal attacks and negativity or plays the blame game.

It is important to notice these things before you get in too deep.  Certain things will not change, and if it is not going to work now, it won’t work later.  It is important to discuss and discover what is really important to each of you long term.  If there are difficulties, is this person willing to consider counseling as an alternative to work through issues?  Remember relationships are complex and they change over time.  It is important to give them room to breathe and grow, but it is extremely important to have a strong mutual love and an absolute trust and respect for one another.  Open honest communication is extremely important.

Take notice and take a step back to evaluate before you make a long term commitment.

Here are five things soon-to-be-married couples can learn from divorced couples.

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of ABC Radio.

Engagement rings and wedding bands are often significant investments, not to mention the emotional attachment they may have as well as the pain they can invoke after a divorce.  So, the question becomes, what happens or what do you do with the rings?  The choices people make can vary tremendously, just like the differences between couples in divorce are varied.  They span the spectrum of practicality to cathartic. 

The first question actually is, who legally has the right to make the decision?  Most people don’t understand the legal ramifications of divorce and what constitutes separate or marital property.  Technically, the engagement ring is a gift before marriage and therefore is separate property and is the sole property of the person receiving it.  The wedding rings however, are marital property.  This may vary from state to state, but that is how it is in New York.  What happens if one of the rings was a family heirloom?  That can also raise additional problems and questions.  In the case of an heirloom for an engagement ring, typically the engagement ring is owned by the person it was given to as separate property.  But, if it was an heirloom, it is possible that you can make a deal that the person gets the approximate value of that ring in exchange for returning it to the family inheritance. 

Another significant issue is whether there are children of the marriage.  If there are children of the marriage, there may be strong feelings on gifting one or more of these rings to the children so that they may use it in the future and the rings stay within the family.  This also may be impacted by the financial reality of how much the rings are worth.  If finances are of importance, the financial value of the ring could come into play and a more financially prudent decision may be necessary, such as selling the ring or insuring you will get its value by repurposing it into a necklace or pendant, for example. 

It is important to make the best choice that balances your emotional and financial needs and enables you to move forward in the best possible way to start the next chapter of your life.  If the emotional toll of keeping the ring is too high, repurposing it or giving it to a family member may be the way to go.  You need to dispose of the ring in a way that allows you to move forward and heal.  Although not necessarily a wise decision, some people feel so strongly that they physically have to get rid of it by throwing it away. 

If you decide to sell the ring, make sure you do it in an appropriate way that you maximize its worth by dealing with a reputable jeweler and getting opinions from more than one.  Be aware that an appraisal value is not an indicator of the true value of the ring.  It is utilized for insurance purposes for replacement value, but is not what you can sell it for to a retail or other jeweler.  They will not buy it for premium cost.  A good rule of thumb is that an appraisal is probably anywhere from 10% to 30% higher than the rings purchase price.  It is made to protect the insurer and not to insure that you get a high price. 

This article offers a real life example of how drastic this can be. According to this article, Mariah Carey got a 35 carat diamond ring, which cost the suitor $13 million and was appraised for $66 million, but when she decided to sell it, she only received $2.7 million.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Heather L. Locus, Contributor, Personal Finance, Forbes.

Marriage is hard work.  How you handle arguments, growing apart with divergent interests, and the intense emotions of such a relationship will determine if yours succeeds or fails.

Despite the differences of individual couples, and notwithstanding an unhealthy and potentially irrevocably broken relationship, there are ways to navigate a divorce that yield a healthier outcome...and that is what Collaborative Divorce is all about.

The Collaborative Process helps couples navigate even the most contentious or bitter divorce to a healthier result after the divorce.

No Court Divorce:  Collaborative Divorce & Mediation - The Alternative to Litigation.

This article exposes some of the 8 glaring signs of an unhappy marriage.  I particularly love the photo which shows two people at breakfast, both on their phones and ignoring each other.  This alone exposes a window into someone’s relationship when you see a couple having a meal together and they are not even talking to each other or acknowledging the other’s presence.  This even happens at a restaurant.  It is a really sad sign when some couples cannot even have a meal and break bread together and have a conversation, but instead are captivated by their phones. 

Relationships take time and effort and that means communication.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Life Care Wellness, YourTango(dot)com
Royalty-free photo courtesy of Pixabay

Concetta Spirio.  A Compassionate Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Mediator & Peacemaker Providing The Highest Level of Legal Representation For Over 35 Years.

#Concetta #ConcettaSpirio #ConcettaLaw #SpirioLaw #Marriage #Divorce #RealEstate #Litigation #Wills #Trusts #Estates #Mediation #CollaborativeDivorce #LongIsland #Suffolk #Nassau #Islip #Sayville #LGBT