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Below you can view and read my interview with ParkBench.com (Babylon Village)

If you have seen any movies portraying the frustration and cost of divorce, Collaborative Attorney Concetta Spirio explains that there is a Wholistic approach.

Describe your business.

I am an attorney who has been practicing for over 37 years. I am trained and experienced in alternate dispute resolution through Mediation and Collaborative processes. I am dedicated to helping families resolve conflict or the dissolution of a primary relationship without going to court, including the LGBTQ community. I am also skilled and experienced in other areas of law, including real estate, will trusts and estates, family law, including LGBTQ families, as well as having been experienced and continue when necessary to represent clients in litigation.

Where are you originally from?

I was born and raised on Long Island and Long Island has been my home for my entire life.

What made you decide to open this business?

I have always been an advocate from when I was a young child and had to express myself in oral debate or conversation. My preliminary college education was in Education and Athletic Training and then Social Work and then ultimately the Law. I was motivated to practice law from my innate feeling of seeking justice in wanting to help people on an emotional as well as practical manner.

How did you get started?

I worked for several years in other law firms and then decided to make my own mark in my own practice which enabled me to run my law firm and my office in my own way.

Why did you choose this profession?

I have moved toward and have embraced alternative dispute resolution because I recognize the value, not only legally and financially but the importance of emotion health of my clients and their families. As a young adult, I witnessed a very close family member go through a vicious divorce. That has inspired me to find a better path for people going through such horrible circumstances.

What drives you to do what you do? What motivates you?

My passion for helping people and educating them about the alternatives available to them and being a part of a process that is so beneficial to my clients. What motivates me is being able to help people and the feeling of accomplishing good and what’s in my client’s best interest as well as witnessing their transformation through a difficult time that ends in a positive result.

What has surprised you most when owning a business?

The ultimate demands and stresses upon my time and efforts to not only do what I love to do but also have to deal with the business side of that and keeping the business going. I also take great pride in running an office the way I like it to be run so that I believe it is a good environment for me and my employees. I also recognizing that I have created a place for them to have a job and a way of supporting their families.

What was it like when you first started?

When I first started it was scary in the newness of learning how to be a lawyer in practicality as opposed to what you learned in law school. When I started my own firm, the scariness of having to be responsible for your own paycheck as well as keeping your firm and your staff alive and well.

What is something most people don't know about the business?

That there is compassion and I am passionate about what I do and who I help and that people are just not numbers or dollar signs to my business. I get emotionally vested in the wellbeing of my clients. I try to have an office that supports my clients in any way possible.

What would your customers say they love most about your business?

That they have an opportunity to actually be heard and listened to their stories by someone who cares. To become personally involved in my clients’ personal social events, whether it be to attend their performance in a band or be invited into their personal world as a friend. I have been fortunate that over the years many clients have actually become true friends

How do you motivate and encourage your staff?

I have a small private office that is very much like a family and we try to support each other on a personal level as well as business level. I also have a shared office space and my suitemate, and her staff also have become like family.

What are your goals over the next year?

To grow my business and especially develop more speaking engagements and more exposure to educate the public about alternative dispute resolutions and collaborative law and to build my other business with Pampered Chef.

What are your greatest challenges?

In an economy where people are struggling, cash flow and working with my clients and their financial needs, while keeping my office financially sound and running. I tend to care so much that I give too much of my time without payment.

How long have you lived in the neighborhood?

I have lived on Long Island all my life and I have lived in the Suffolk County Islip area for almost 20 years. We wanted to be in Suffolk County. We fell in love with the neighborhood where we found our home. Because my spouse worked many evenings, I wanted an extensive home office, and have an outside office that was close to my home.

What were the factors that made you choose this neighborhood?

I am a Long Islander at heart. I love being on the South Shore, having access to parks and beaches and living in a lovely residential neighborhood.

What are your favorite restaurants in the neighborhood?

I have a passion for good food, and I have a lot of favorite restaurants. I often don't just limit myself to the immediate neighborhood. There is a lovely takeout in Bayshore, "Mediterranean Express". There are also several lovely restaurants that I enjoy. There is Tellers in Islip that is excellent as well as H20.

What do you want to see improve the most in this neighborhood?

In general, for small businesses to flourish and each town have a vibrant main street.

What is something most people don't know about you?

That I have always had a passion and a love for horses. I love to play golf, although I have not been able to play in the last few years. Obviously, I have a passion for cooking and eating good food. I also enjoy travel but have not had the opportunity. My spouse and would like to go cross country when we retire in an RV. I can be found Gardening and am skilled at doing various own home repairs and projects.

Why do you think it's important for people to shop local?

I think it is important for us to support local businesses and to make our own individual towns thrive and make main street thrive, notwithstanding big business chains and online shopping.

What are some of the highest highs you've had in life so far?

Having an amazing partner and spouse in life that brings the lighter side of life to my world on a daily basis and is always there as a supporting influence. I’ve enjoyed different landmarks like graduating Law School, seeing my parents and family take pride and enjoy my accomplishments. Enjoying special times with my parents and members of my family. Knowing some career accomplishments that have made a difference for my clients. Having some amazing outcomes that were not expected or predicted because the law and court can be very unpredictable. Seeing clients thrive in the alternative methods of processing conflict resolution and being a part of that process that gets them and their family to a better place. Working in concert with certain colleagues that are dedicated to the same purposes as far as passion and doing good in the world and moving a good process forward for the world.

What are some of the lowest lows you've had in life so far? And what got you through it?

Losing my parents, watching my spouse lose her sister and living without her as a part of our lives, facing on a daily basis the critical illness of a close family member and watching that person’s parent lose their life, their planned retirement and their daily existence in the dedication for the care of their child and trying to manage the impossible nature of their circumstances.

What’s the most memorable experience you’ve had working with a customer?

I had the good fortune to have several and they boil down to being able to help and accomplish something very positive for the client. There are several outcomes that were against all odds and amazing victories in my view.

Where are your favorite places to go in the neighborhood?

I enjoy going to the parks and the beach. Going to a favorite restaurant and/or taking a walk in the neighborhood. Cooking, projects around the house, I’m very handy, do things in a construction type of manner.

What else do you do besides work?

Reading, watching a good movie, cook, house projects.

Anything exciting going on that customers should know about?

Reaching out to clients and customers, trying to contribute to anyone who needs assistance with respect to what is going on with the Corona virus. Education on things that they should have in place as far as being prepared to see a physician and/or having certain documents in place with respect to health care issues. With respect to my other business, constantly having Pampered Chef parties both live and online.

What is the best way for customers to contact you?

Via phone or email.
In addition, view the Website:
www.LICDP.com The Long Island Collaborative Divorce Professionals for Comprehensive Divorce Solutions. Helping Families Resolve Conflict Without Court

Who from your childhood had the biggest impact on you? And what did that person teach you?

My sister taught me so many things, not only to be kind and respectful to others and to help one another but to be a good and strong person and believe in yourself.

What’s one memory from your childhood that stands out to you?

I have so many good memories with all the travel that I did with my parents and even on my own at a young age. Going to Belgium to see my mother’s family for the first time at the age of 12 by myself. At a young age, recognizing and reconciling who I was with the negative terms and labels designated for the LGBT community and realizing the negativity surrounding it was not true and not a reflection of who I was.

What’s your current family situation?

Currently married. Although I have not had children myself, I have been very involved in the lives of my sibling’s children.

What does the future hold for you?

I am looking forward to a bright future in which I expand my connections and relationships and develop more than one business enterprise that can help people and also incorporate things that I love and enjoy.

If a young person asked you for advice on how to live their life, what would you tell them?

To be themselves and to follow their passions in what makes them happy.

When your life is over, how do you want to be remembered?

For the good person that I have been and for the support and friendships that I have given to others

The Courts may be closed to everyone (except for emergencies), but the Collaborative Process is available to resolve conflict without utilizing the court system, and is now more than ever able to help those who need it!

As reflected in this article (as many people may or may not know), the court systems are closed (and so are municipal government agencies) for anything except emergencies.  So, what does this mean?  You can neither get a license to marry nor commence a divorce action.

HOWEVER, there is another way!  The Collaborative Process, which resolves conflict WITHOUT using the Court System, and the organization I belong to, Long Island Collaborative Divorce Professionals, are still here to offer you an alternative solution!  The issues of your marriage can be identified, settled and an agreement finalized - completely outside of the court system while still protecting the interests of your family.  It's a more holistic approach to resolving conflict or getting a divorce.

In these trying times, more than usual, people are facing difficult relationship problems and/or possibly even divorce.  This often puts children at risk.

As is human nature, people often view things only from their own perspective.  Notwithstanding that attorneys and learned counsel or counselors try to advise otherwise, many times clients do not see things from another perspective.  Here is a very well written article by the Hon. Jeffrey Sunshine that truly gives insight as to how a Judge views things when it comes to co-parenting and children’s custody.

The issue of frozen embryos and the rights to same has been an ongoing issue in many areas of the country and in different courts.  It is an issue for heterosexual couples as well as the LGBTQ community and anyone who has reproductive challenges.  The issues can be extremely complicated even if the conceptions of the embryos were under the auspices of a legal marriage or where the sperm donor is through a sperm bank.  A known donor actually creates additional concerns and issues.

I was recently contacted by a colleague looking for guidance in dealing with a lesbian couple facing a divorce where stored embryos will be an issue. 

The case in this article does not address all of the variety of issues that can come up when dealing with frozen embryos and how the law treats them.  However, it does bring home a very important point; the better choice for clients when choosing alternative reproductive methods is to be sure that everyone's rights with respect to the embryos including a possible donor are detailed and acknowledged in a written agreement between the parties, especially if there is sperm from a known donor not chosen through a sperm bank.  Many times lesbian and gay couples may use family members as a donor to have similar genetic makeup in their children for the non-biological parent.  This again can create complicated situations that, although the parties may not want to address in writing, they absolutely should. 

There are very strong feelings around reproductive rights and ones connection to a child or possible child.  These must all be considered and people really must know where they stand before they end up in a situation where the courts have to decide. 

This stresses another good reason why people should use the skills of a trained Mediator and/or trained Collaborative attorney to resolve these issues before they get to the point where the party is facing a dissolution to the relationship and a problem as to the rights of their embryos.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Storm Gifford, NY Daily News
Photo courtesy of Andrei Tchernov/Getty Images

In these uncertain times my colleagues and I are holding a FREE webinar to support our friends, clients and the businesses in our community.

Please join us this Wednesday, March 25th from 12pm - 1pm for Vaccinating Your Business - and Your Life - Against COVID-19. 

Register here.

We look forward to having you!

Nobody really wants the divorce to be part of the public news cycle (or made public at all), but starting at the end of this year, the UK will begin livestreaming family cases.

This is another reason why collaborative divorce is so essential for many couples. Not only does it take you and your dispute out of the court system but it makes it completely private and confidential.

I know personally from my clients that being in court is stressful, and having to relive terrible parts of their marriage in an open forum would be unbearable. 

Selected excerpt(s), photo and linked article courtesy of Amy Woodyatt, CNN

Video conferencing and working from home virtually is going to become the new business norm for the current health crisis.

This is a great blog post on how to dress for your video conference.

Ms. Melanie Lippman is a member of my MOXXIE networking organization and has helped many of my colleagues with tips on how to look their best. 

Thank you Melanie for writing this blog!

Linked blog post courtesy of Melanie Lippman.  Photo courtesy of VSPL.

Engagement rings and wedding bands are often significant investments, not to mention the emotional attachment they may have as well as the pain they can invoke after a divorce.  So, the question becomes, what happens or what do you do with the rings?  The choices people make can vary tremendously, just like the differences between couples in divorce are varied.  They span the spectrum of practicality to cathartic. 

The first question actually is, who legally has the right to make the decision?  Most people don’t understand the legal ramifications of divorce and what constitutes separate or marital property.  Technically, the engagement ring is a gift before marriage and therefore is separate property and is the sole property of the person receiving it.  The wedding rings however, are marital property.  This may vary from state to state, but that is how it is in New York.  What happens if one of the rings was a family heirloom?  That can also raise additional problems and questions.  In the case of an heirloom for an engagement ring, typically the engagement ring is owned by the person it was given to as separate property.  But, if it was an heirloom, it is possible that you can make a deal that the person gets the approximate value of that ring in exchange for returning it to the family inheritance. 

Another significant issue is whether there are children of the marriage.  If there are children of the marriage, there may be strong feelings on gifting one or more of these rings to the children so that they may use it in the future and the rings stay within the family.  This also may be impacted by the financial reality of how much the rings are worth.  If finances are of importance, the financial value of the ring could come into play and a more financially prudent decision may be necessary, such as selling the ring or insuring you will get its value by repurposing it into a necklace or pendant, for example. 

It is important to make the best choice that balances your emotional and financial needs and enables you to move forward in the best possible way to start the next chapter of your life.  If the emotional toll of keeping the ring is too high, repurposing it or giving it to a family member may be the way to go.  You need to dispose of the ring in a way that allows you to move forward and heal.  Although not necessarily a wise decision, some people feel so strongly that they physically have to get rid of it by throwing it away. 

If you decide to sell the ring, make sure you do it in an appropriate way that you maximize its worth by dealing with a reputable jeweler and getting opinions from more than one.  Be aware that an appraisal value is not an indicator of the true value of the ring.  It is utilized for insurance purposes for replacement value, but is not what you can sell it for to a retail or other jeweler.  They will not buy it for premium cost.  A good rule of thumb is that an appraisal is probably anywhere from 10% to 30% higher than the rings purchase price.  It is made to protect the insurer and not to insure that you get a high price. 

This article offers a real life example of how drastic this can be. According to this article, Mariah Carey got a 35 carat diamond ring, which cost the suitor $13 million and was appraised for $66 million, but when she decided to sell it, she only received $2.7 million.

Selected excerpt(s) and linked article courtesy of Heather L. Locus, Contributor, Personal Finance, Forbes.