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Posted On: October 17, 2018

Can’t afford to get Divorced?

There are alternatives to the devastating costs of a traditional litigated divorce. Many people cannot afford to get divorced.  There are three different ways to get divorced. 

Traditional Litigated or Contested Divorce

The most common and costly is a litigated or contested divorce.  One party commences a divorce action and each party retains separate counsel.  Not only is this process stressful for the participants but extremely costly for each party.  Most litigation attorneys require a large initial retainer up front when they are retained on a contested divorce matter and the retainer is not the entire price that the divorce will ultimately cost the parties.  This is only the beginning step of what the attorney requires up front to cover the initial expenses of the divorce proceeding. 

Many parties can expend tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars on litigation and essentially give all of their hard-earned money and assets over to the attorneys to obtain a dissolution of their marriage.  Most of middle class America who struggle to use two incomes to make one household, cannot afford the cost of their divorce, let alone creating two households or secure their financial future after the cost of a divorce.

In addition, both parties must appear with their attorneys at every scheduled Court appearance.  Further numerous Court appearances may be needed and as well as extensive discovery, depositions and ultimately testifying at a trial in open Court. 

So, what is the alternative? 

There are two other processes that can be utilized by parties to obtain a divorce without destroying their financial futures and without the parties ever having to set foot in the Courthouse.  They are not only more cost effective but a healthier way to get divorced for all involved.

The fact is, to obtain a divorce costs money regardless of the method utilized.  However, would the parties prefer to waste their time and money on long court appearances paying two attorneys for a day in court where nothing is actually accomplished; except getting a new court date to report back; or having their money work towards actually getting them divorced in a method that they truly have a say in the decisions affecting their lives, their family and their assets.

The most affordable method is Mediation.

So, what is Mediation?  Mediation is where both parties are using a neutral third party, called a Mediator to help them facilitate an agreement that will serve as the contract between the parties resolving all issues that must be determined in a divorce action by the Court.  The Mediator will educate them as to the law and various aspects of issues that must be addressed and help them come to an agreement that is customized to their situation and will serve as the contract that resolves all issues and is binding between the parties even after the divorce is obtained.  The Mediator prepares this contract and makes sure it is executed properly.

After the contract is signed, the Mediator will then be able to prepare all of the paperwork known as the Uncontested Divorce Packet, which is necessary for the Court to grant a Judgment of Divorce, all without the parties having to step into a Court room.

Now, why is this the most cost effective?  Well, simply speaking, when you enter into a Contested Divorce, each party is hiring a separate attorney which as previously stated, will require an initial retainer of thousands of dollars, which is just the beginning of the costs of bringing the matter to a conclusion and Judgment of Divorce.  So, tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars could actually be spent on a litigation.  Mediation many times, will cost less than it would have cost one party on their attorney’s fees in a litigated matter.  Since a Mediator is a neutral party, they are not advocating for either party, but educate the parties and help them resolve and come to an agreement on all issues that must be determined in order to obtain a Judgment of Divorce.

Collaborative Divorce is another alternative to litigation.

Collaborative Divorce is not as cost efficient as Mediation.  However, it is significantly cost efficient when compared with litigated divorces.  You can think of it as a middle ground between Mediation and Litigation. 

So, what is Collaborative Divorce?  Collaborative Divorce is a team approach.  There are a team of professionals, who are specifically trained in the collaborative method.  The team includes Attorneys, Financial Experts and Divorce Coaches as well as Mental Health Professionals which are available to the couple.  These professionals help streamline the divorce process while assisting the clients to navigate through the divorce process.

Each party is represented by their own attorney; however, both the attorneys for each party and the parties themselves, promise, agree and commit that this process is never going to see the inside of a Court room.

This process may cost more than Mediation.  However, for those who feel they need to have an attorney by their side, this is an ideal method to obtain a divorce without going through litigation and a fight through the Court system.  The parties and their legal representative agree to be non-combative and objectively negotiate the terms of the divorce.  They resolve all issues that must be resolved in order to obtain a Judgment of Divorce from the Court, which avoids a lot of the stress of litigation and you are not at the mercy of a Judge dictating the terms of your divorce. 

In essence, the parties, through their attorneys, craft their own customized agreement which will be a binding contract between them after the Judgment of Divorce is entered.  Once again, the attorneys will prepare all the necessary documents that need to be submitted to the Court in order for the Court to grant a divorce.  However, the parties themselves never need to step into a Court house in order to obtain the divorce. 

Although this process is more expensive than Mediation, it is still much less than the parties would expend on a contested litigation matter going through the Court system. 

Either of these processes will be more cost effective for the parties since the monies that would have been spent on a long drawn out litigation, can now be used to resolve their financial futures. 

Further, both of the above processes will ultimately obtain a divorce in a much shorter period of time than a litigated case going through the Court system.


Fall Fundraiser event for PULSE

Posted On: September 20, 2018

I am looking forward to attending this Fall’s Charity  Fundraiser event “The Healing Power of Music Storytelling and Laughter” for PULSE (Center for Patient Safety Education & Advocacy) It will be held at the Brokerage Comedy Club in Bellmore, on Sunday September 23, 2018 Show Time 7:30pm. 

Pulse CPSEA is a nonprofit 501 (c) organization founded in 1966 and their mission is dedicated to raising awareness about Patient Safety through Advocacy, education and support.  I will attend and also have donated a Raffle Basket to help raise funds for this wonderful and important organization. 

For more information on PULSE and this event (tickets must be purchased in advance).   Go to:


A Huge Tax Benefit Expires The End of This Year For People Getting DIVORCED

Posted On: September 18, 2018

Time is of the essence if you are in the midst of working through a DIVORCE agreement, looking to amend an existing agreement, or considering divorce at all!

The tax benefit that allows alimony paid by you to reduce your taxable income will end on December 31, 2018. This means that a divorce agreement filed after this date will lose the tax reducing benefit of the alimony deduction for the life of the alimony payments whether it is 5 years or 20 years! That is a tremendous amount of money that you will be losing and the Federal government will happily be pocketing. By the way, Federal revenues are expected to reach $7 billion over the next decade for the elimination of this tax break alone.

The loss of the alimony deduction hurts all parties in the divorce. This leaves less money in the pockets of those who need it most: Moms and Dads supporting their independent lives, and their children whose welfare depends on them.

It is clear from planners reviewing this change that it will be a serious struggle for even the most wealthy to find a work around, if possible at all, to compensate for this loss.

Another consideration at the moment is the expected end of the year rush and push to get Divorce Agreement signed before the deadline. Acting now is very important.


Lesbian and Gay Divorce

Posted On: August 29, 2018


You Do not want to be the first case the Courts interpret on these challenges

 Although the LGBT Community has now been afforded many of the rights enjoyed by the heterosexual community, the legalization of marriage has not solved all the issues and has created different challenges and issues in the event of a divorce. For traditional families and couples, divorce has been a process that is relatively straight forward since it has years of history both in legislation and judicial interpretation.  For the Lesbian and Gay community, we face a great deal of uncertainty and ambiguity since the legalization of marriage is so new for our community and there has not been much case law interpreting divorce of Lesbian and Gay couples. 

 Many couples in the LGBT community have been together for many years sometimes decades before legalized marriage was an option. 

So, what does this mean in the event of a divorce?  Well, the law and the Courts will only look at a marriage, including marital assets and debts, from the date of marriage to the date of divorce.  This means the law DOES NOT consider the relationship that existed prior to the legal marriage.  So where does that leave the lesbian and gay couples that have been a couple for many years before they married and have created and implemented their financial plan for the future.

  From a legal and Court perspective, the Courts do Not address assets and debts that were acquired prior to the marriage.  This creates a unique challenge for lesbian and gay couples that have had a lengthy relationship before a formal marriage.  The courts have yet to address these challenges and you do not want your marriage to be the case of first impression for the courts to decide.  It is very important that you have a seasoned divorce attorney on your side.  It is my opinion that the attorney should have experience within the Lesbian and Gay community to truly understand the issues that face our community.

It is also why I strongly feel that alternatives to divorce litigation such as Collaborative Divorce and Mediation which are extremely important to the Lesbian and Gay community.  These alternative methods let the parties to the divorce customize their agreement and the dissolution of their marriage based on the facts and circumstances of their relationship. 

 There are also many things that the community can do to protect themselves and avoid the event of a nasty divorce.

For all lesbian and gay couples, it is important that they address this challenge. So, what should you do to avoid these challenges? 

  • Create a domestic partnership agreement or prenuptial agreement that address all issues in the event of a divorce
  • Create a post nuptial agreement that address all issues I the event of a divorce
  • If divorce is on the horizon be sure to choose an alternative method to obtain your divorce out of Court such as Mediation or Collaborative Divorce. These methods will keep your lives assets and interests out of the Courts reach.

SUPREME COURT’S 7-2 DECISION in Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission

Posted On: June 05, 2018

This anticipated decision that many thought would follow up on the Court's decision nationally legalizing same sex marriage maybe view by some as a defeat to the LGBTQ community; however it merely underscores the rights of each person to their own religious beliefs. As stated in the article "Today's decision is remarkably narrow, and leaves for another day virtually all of the major constitutional questions that this case presented," said Steve Vladeck, CNN Supreme Court analyst and professor at the University of Texas School of Law. "It's hard to see the decision setting a precedent."

 Click here to view article


Concetta G. Spirio, Esq. is the Spotlight Member at Tai’s Club Business Lunch .

Posted On: May 09, 2018

I had the honor of being the Spotlight Member to speak at Tai’s Club Business Lunch  At Mario's Italian Restaurant in East Setauket, on Friday, May 11th 12:00 – 2:00.

My discussion was on Why More People Are Using Alternative Methods To Obtain A Divorce: Collaborative Divorce and/or Mediation Verses Traditional Divorce Litigation.

It was a great time with an interactive audience discussing the differences and benefits of alternative methods to divorce and the impacts to families and their financial future. Questions also lead us into Wills Trusts and Estates.  Thanks to all who participated



Kids Clubhouse of Suffolk Inc.

Posted On: May 08, 2018

Had the honor of attending a wonderful charity event on behalf of a great organization the Kids Clubhouse of Suffolk Inc.   What a great event supporting a valuable organization that keeps our children safe serving youth at the Elementary, Junior High and High School age levels. It was an honor helping this organization continue to care for children with great programs.


Great Alternatives to Divorce Litigation

Posted On: April 21, 2018

Educating professionals and the public about Collaborative Divorce.  Concetta and her esteemed colleague Elizabeth Vaz, Esq. speaking at the 2018 Annual Meeting of NALS of Suffolk County, the association for legal professional